Days at the Dome: The Anatomy of Spiritual Failure and Where to Go from There
Guest Blogger: Judy Wu


It is an honor to have a friend such as Judy Wu relate her experiences at the Reliant Center and the Dome. If you don't know Judy, she is an extremely bright person and a woman whose walk with Christ is commendable. I appreciate her honesty and transprency here. I'm sure you'll agree with me that what she shares tells a story of grace and mercy.

All for now,
Lisa

Dear Friends in Christ,

Like most of you, I've watched television coverage of the Katrina disaster and about the tens of thousands of people streaming into the Astrodome and other parts of Houston for refuge. I wanted to help. I wanted to go “be the hands and feet of Jesus.” Being medically trained, I felt like I had some specific skills to offer. And I live only 2.5 miles from the Astrodome/Reliant complex. Friday night, I decided to volunteer my medical skills at the Dome. On my way there, I asked that the Lord to put me in a useful place. I ended up being assigned to the triage clinic in the Reliant Center where people were beginning to arrive. The Astrodome was well covered and they didn’t need any more people there. But the pace was rather slow at Reliant Center, since only a few buses had arrived there. I began to indulge a complaining spirit. This was not the heroic medical work I had envisioned. But people did start coming in, and I did see a few patients and get to help some people who needed it: a heart patient, one with a knee injury, one with multiple medical problems, one with pink eye, etc. They told me their stories of survival and the horrors in the Superdome. I listened attentively and offered comfort. They were so grateful to be treated with kindness after what they had been through. And then I left.

The next morning, I realized that I had not offered to pray with a single patient. I never mentioned Jesus to anyone. Why? I was not short on time. No one was threatening to fire me if I did. It would not have been awkward or conspicuous. It just… didn’t occur to me. I was too obsessed with my own usefulness, with my own ability to render aid, with the medical problems before me. How could I forget to do the most important thing? It gets worse…

I actually went into the Astrodome the following day. I could focus on the good that I did – and I did do some good – but I really want to share with you my most significant failures because I think that many fellow believers will benefit from my experience and hopefully be able to avoid them. Two patient interactions are forever burned onto my heart and mind. One woman was brought to me complaining of pain related to a previous injury. I asked her what the injury was, and she said she had been stabbed in the shoulder by her ex-husband some years ago. She said that her doctor in New Orleans had been prescribing a potent muscle relaxant and a narcotic, and that she was out and in severe pain. The medications she named, incidentally, have high addiction potential. I examined her and failed to find a scar. So I knew she was lying. But this went through my mind: Obviously she is a drug seeker, but she deserves to have some relief because of what she has just gone through. I didn’t have the heart (or the guts) to call out her dishonesty because I felt like it would have been cruel. (What??!!) So what did I do? I wrote her a prescription for a 10-20-day supply (I don’t remember exactly). I didn’t give her the narcotic pain medication she asked for in addition to that – just enough of the muscle relaxant to placate her. And I sent her on her way. (WHAT??!!) But wait… it gets worse…

A 17-year old boy was brought to me for diarrhea (that’s what he told the nurse), but as it turns out, he was having symptoms indicative of a sexually transmitted disease. He had been scheduled for an appointment at a clinic in New Orleans, but because the hurricane hit, he never got to go. So I gave him an antibiotic prescription and exhorted him strongly to take all of it as written or something worse could happen. And then I said, “If you’re going to have sex, use protection.” (WHAT??!!! I sound like Planned Parenthood!) As I said it, I went through these steps: “No, you should be telling him to abstain. Yeah, right, like he’s going to do that. Oh well, it’s too late to take back what I just said, and it’s just going to sound stupid anyway. His entire culture supports that behavior.” And then I sent him on his way.

Now… if this were not my story and it were someone else’s story, I would be all over that person for walking in unbelief, believing the lies of the devil, buying into the philosophies of the world… you name it, I could dissect out all the problems in great detail. But it’s my own story. And unfortunately, I can do all those things too, but at the end of the day, it’s not just an academic exercise – it’s real life affecting real people, and it involves my very real shortcomings. Realization and conviction for all these things hit me yesterday, and I wept bitterly over the opportunities I didn’t recognize and are now forever gone, the genuine God-given usefulness that I overlooked and thus squandered, and for the pride in my heart that made it all possible. My narcissistic drive to be heroic ended in brokenhearted-ness over my utter failure, my denial of Christ and a profound sense of the significance of what I had and had not done. Unlike the Apostle Paul, I could not say, “I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God.” (Acts 20:26,27) I remembered all these stories that I have studied and taught – the man Jesus healed by the Pool of Bethesda (John 5), the woman at the well (John 4), and how Jesus always called people to a higher plane of living, out of darkness and into light. I settled for the lowest common denominator.

I walked away from those experiences feeling as if I had been tossed about on the waves. I had forgotten to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6), I went without prayer support, without another believer with me (Jesus sent his disciples out in twos), without having spent time in prayer with God, and thinking that I could somehow accomplish something significant in my own strength based on my worldly skills, biblical knowledge, and history of evangelistic training. As a result, when God brought these opportunities before me, I didn’t recognize them for what they were, I was vulnerable to believing the enemy’s lies, susceptible to operating out of my sinful nature, and I ended up doing nothing of eternal significance. How’s that for a day’s work? I felt strong going in, but I was found to be weak and inadequate. I share this not out of a place of self-condemnation (that’s where I started), but out of knowing that God can redeem even the worst failures, that He intends for us to be fruitful, and that He will empower us for the tasks before us as long as we walk closely with Him and let Him keep our own sin from ruling us.

Folks, the ubelieving world can meet physical and emotional needs, can offer a listening ear, can show compassion. We as believers must do all that and more. Even in the midst of outwardly serving others, I in my self-absorption lost sight of the fact that I have been entrusted the message of eternal life and that it is the only hope that people really have in this world. If we want to help the masses of people that have been brought to our door, we have to believe that God can do a miracle at every turn. We have to see beyond the circumstances related to the disaster and see into their souls. We must do people a service by calling out their sin and calling them to repent, and we must trust the Holy Spirit to work. Don’t be caught off guard like I was. Be prepared. Spend time with God and get His perspective. Let Him remind you afresh of what you already know and have studied. Because when you go to serve these dear, displaced people, you will be entering the enemy’s territory. Without the belt of truth buckled around your waist, you’ll be susceptible to falling for the same lies that I did. Without the breastplate of righteousness, you’ll be willing to indulge/make excuses other people’s sin, and you will fail to have a redemptive effect on their lives. Without feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, you will literally forget what your chief calling is in every interaction. Without the shield of faith, you will settle for the lowest common denominator and fail to trust God to transform the life in front of you. Without the sword of the Spirit, you’ll be making human judgments instead of exercising truthful and spiritual discernment. I know. I’ve been there recently. May the Lord grant us grace, strength, power, wisdom, and humility.

Love in Christ,
Judy