Friday, October 24, 2008

Why Are You Still Single?

Good question. And I'm not sure I can answer that question. But with a simple comma the question changes to one I can answer quite well.

Why are you still, single?

Because that is what the Lord has asked of me. Yesterday's Streams devotional said it quite well, "the person who knows how to wait has grown to an exceptional degree in God's grace." I can look back at quite literally 20 years (since 1988) of journaling. And the overriding journal entry is praying for a mate. There are many things I've done in the last 20 years to try to make that happen. Many things that empirically there is nothing wrong with (maintaining my health, trying to improve my beauty, going places to make myself available, trying online dating, and even giving speed dating a chance). Like I said, absolutely nothing wrong with those. Unless God is trying to teach you stillness and waiting. Two things I've really yet to be good at. :-) But there is a lot at stake here: and it really wasn't what I had originally thought. You see, my truly seeing God through His grace was the central focus.

My heart has been the issue. Just in the last few months, He's raised the intensity level to RED! I can see the last few years were definitely learning years for me. But the last few months have been the crucible of testing. And there have been days where I failed horribly. Doubt, fear, sorrow, weariness, and worry have all crept in in a very sneaky and subltle way (isn't that so Satan?). But in God's grace, He has met me every time - without exception - and each time I see a greater vision of who He is. I can honestly say I know Him. And I know Him better and better each day. I have resolved, right and and right now, to NOT give up hope. But (continue) to give up trying. Cease striving, wait, hope, surrender, preparedness, sabbath, stillness, readiness can all exist together. BUT ONLY IN CHRIST. Christ IS our hope! Christ in us, the hope of glory. So, which prize are my eyes on? The prize of a husband or the prize of God through Christ Jesus? I would not be honest if I did not say both somehow. But let this be known: I will NOT take a husband without Christ being fully evident! And I will be still until I see Him move. And I can ONLY be still due to God's grace. Otherwise, I'd be scurrying around like a little ant trying to get things done. I know. I've been there and done that. It wasn't that great. Now I will trying something new. A new beginning. With clean hands and a pure heart. I will be still and know that He is God! The last few months have been about cleaning my hands and purifying my heart. For that I am sure. He has touched my heart and I know it. He has shown me my secret sins and I have been ashamed. But in His grace and mercy, He has restored me. Through Christ alone. I am righteous and blameless. I can see it. I have been an adultress - taking a lover in myself, the world, and sin. yet God has been faithful to Himself and His love for me. I spat in His face and He still said, "I love you". I felt forgotten and He said, "Child, I have not forgotten you". I sinned and He said, "I rebuke your sin yet I still love you". I confessed and He said, "Come to me". I said, "I want NOW" and He said, "wait". I said, "You promised". And He said, "the revelation awaits an appointed time.... wait for it".

So, "why are you still, single"? Because the Bible tells me so. It's as simple as a children's song. After all, I am a child of God. Only through God's grace. I know His grace. I know Him.
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.
Hebrews 4:9-11
Lord, in your grace and mercy, let me continue to be still in Your presence. Calm my restless heart. I know it can only rest in You. Forgive me and show me the wonder of You. For in only You will I be satisfied. You are faithful and true. And, Lord, when I take my eyes off You, and start to strive or worry or fret, please lift up my face. I won't turn away. You are more than enough.

All for now,
Lisa

Friday, October 10, 2008

My Great Awakening: Blessings Abound
Is An End Really Just a New Beginning?

There's a question I've often heard: "How good is your word?" Meaning, will you do what you say you will do? It questions the strength of honor and respect in your word.

In a prayerful time, God gave me a word/promise over 3 years ago. And recently, God has been using a lot of words with me lately. Ninety nine specific words as a matter of fact. The interesting point here is that I can almost mark the point, to the day, that this particular segment in my journey began. It was that day, May 29, 2008 that I felt the need to blog about surrender. It's not that I've never blogged on that topic before (actually, looking back, I've blogged about it more times than I care to admit), but I felt a strange compulsion. You know the feeling... you really don't know what's happening but you just know you have to be obedient. I was.

It has been an unbelievable blessing. It's been difficult, don't get me wrong. It's demanded everything. But big things rarely cost little. In this case, it's cost everything.

OK, so how often have you read that? "God really bless me", God really amazed me", "God really showed Himself ". Now, that's not to say those times haven't been true. But I find it superficial to reduce God to brevity. I've shared my story since the beginning. It's no use stopping now.

I've had quite a few very cool milemarkers along the journey. But I find myself (I think) in the closing chapters. I find it interesting that the first word He gave was hope and the last word was enlargement. Well, I say "last", but that's really not for me to decide, is it? And perhaps I want a breakthrough so badly that I might try to conjur one up for God. Oh, forgive me God! Let me not put anything in front of you. Even my own desire to know You intimately.

The most recent words:

Come to me
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God. “Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me.”
John 6:44-45
Yet there are some of you who do not believe. For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."
John 6:64-65
On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink".
John 7:37
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Still
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14
The Levites calmed all the people, saying, "Be still, for this is a sacred day. Do not grieve."
Nehemiah 8:11
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Psalm 37:7
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
Psalm 46:10
Be still before the LORD, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.
Zechariah 2:13

Abide
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7
But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.
James 1:25
the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.
1 John 2:6

Dwell
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
Psalm 27:4

Repentance
yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.
2 Corinthians 7:9-11
Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so.
Hebrews 6:1-3
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:9

Redemption
It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.
1 Corinthians 1:30

Inheritance
giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
Colossians 1:12
since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:24

Enlargement
ANSWER ME when I call, O God of my righteousness (uprightness, justice, and right standing with You)! You have freed me when I was hemmed in and enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me and hear my prayer.
Psalm 4:1
There are 8 this time. Isn't 8 the number of new beginnings? My great awakening is complete. Or at least I feel like I'm turning a corner in this journey of mine.

I told two former Bible study group friends of mine that I felt a completion coming on. Matter of fact, here's the email (dated 2 June, 2008):
Hey,

Well, I've recently communicated with the both of you one way or the other, but I wanted to give you a further update on me right now. Truth be told, I feel a "completion" coming on to a time of growth for me (can't really give you more insight than that right now). I have no idea what. But it just feels like right now I'm finishing up the details" to some stuff God is working on in me. Will keep you posted.
That's why I've named this section of my journey the great awakening. It has been an awakening of my eyes to my heart. And awakening my heart to love. How specifically?

First in truly seeing that He was pursuing me. I don't think I could have gotten to the next steps if first I didn't really see that He loved me and was pursuing me (and had been with me, each day, all along).

Second, in seeing who He is. I have a page in my journal where I've just written one word descriptions of him (perfect, timely, creator, good, healer, etc). Just gave me new perspective.

Third, I saw that there was junk in my heart that needed cleaning up (arrogance, pride). He created a clean heart and He has made my heart His home.

The good news is that where there was once head knowledge and a willingness to follow Him, there is now a heart-mind connection and a passion to intimately know Him. There is a difference my friend. And the by-product, I would say, is similar to real vs plastic fruit.

It still boils down to a few things: being blameless and righteous, walking with Him, doing all the He commands. And even when we feel like we're forgotten, He always remembers His promises. Blessings ALWAYS abound!

I think His word is good.

All for now,
Lisa

Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." - Revelation 4:8

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Be Still

Kinda fitting.
Be Still
by Storyside:b

I remember all the times
The good times and the bad
I'm still holding on to you
Some days I wanna run
And times I come undone
But I still belong to you
That's how I know that

When I feel like caving in
My heart my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
Can you hear me Lord?
My face is down upon the floor
It's then you whisper in my ear
Be still and know I'm here
I see a side of you my friend
The same struggles that I have
My heart goes out to you
I know it's hard to feel alone
And this world's so unforgiving
I've been feeling that way too
But I can tell you Is that you?

Is this me
It's sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone

It's not just you
And not just me
We all need to believe that
We are not alone

All for now,
Lisa
New Dollar



'nuf said
All for now,
Lisa


Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Day 281

I recently purchased the book, Beyond Words, by Frederick Buechner. According to its byline, it's a "daily reading in the ABC's of faith". Actually, Buechner has chosen 366 words, put them in alphabetical order, and has written a quick thought on each word.

If you've read here you know God has really spoken to me in the last few months via "words" (thus why the book interested me so). These words come to me in a variety of ways and each time I jot one down I try to dig a little deeper into the meaning to gleen what God may be teaching me. It has been powerful.

So, yesterday, I blogged about being still and confessed I have had moments of feeling forgotten. As God would have it, I did not look at the Buechner daily reading yesterday (even though I looked at the book on top of it).

Yesterday's word (day 281): Remember

I kid you not!

God has His ways. And they are ALWAYS so much better than I can imagine.

All for now,
Lisa

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

When Nothing is the Thing to Do

My tendency is to be active. And I like it. It keeps me young. Daily physical activity (weight training, cycling, running) has helped me to stay strong and flexible. Mental activity (reading, writing, doing art) has helped my mind stay focused and sharp. However, spiritual activity (read maturity here) does not quite equate.

If you've read my blog for a while, you know God has had me on a fast track for the last few months learning some things, being healed from some things. And for that I am very thankful.

But right now, I'm in a bit of a darkness. In my feel-sorry-for-myself moments, I can say that I have felt forgotten. And if my God was anything other than who He is, I might have lost hope.

My knee-jerk reaction is to start doing something! Anything! But this is where I just have to stop.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
Psalm 46:10

I know who God is. And acknowledging Him doesn't always take the frustration away, but it does remind me that I've probably made my problems bigger than what they really are. And, in doing that, have limited my view of God.

Ah, perspective. It's a wonderful thing.

Just keep remembering... God is bigger!

All for now,
Lisa