Surrendering: Letting Go But Not Giving Up: A Lesson In Faith

Ok - this is pretty transparent, but here goes... I've tried and tried to do that with the longing to be married… the longing not to be alone. True, my grip has released over the years, but I still feel a finger or two holding on to it. I've tried to give it up, throw my arms up, and just accept that I won't be married, but that’s giving up and that isn't surrendering it at all. I don’t think it has as much to do with the longing itself as the control of satisfying it. Maybe it’s not that I can’t surrender it, but that I can’t seem to keep it surrendered. I guess I just have to continue to do it… sometimes frequently than other times.

Surrendering is letting go
Surrendering is not giving up
The difference is hope
With letting go, hope remains in tact
With giving up, it doesn't
And you can't lose hope
Even if hope gets razor thin
God is there


“Streams in the Desert” – May 19 entry:

when we believe God for a blessing, we must have an attitude of faith and begin to act and pray as if the blessing were already ours. We should respond to God as if He has granted our request. This attitude of trust means leaning upon Him for what we have claimed and simply taking it for granted that He has given us our request and will continue to give it."

the condition for prayer is this:
1. we ask in faith and in Christ's name
2. the oneness with Him and His will

"it will be
given you" (John 15:7)

So, do I have the faith to believe that I will be married one day (soon)? I think my wavering is what is causing His tarrying. So, I stand on these verses... and I just love that one is 11:11.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because he considered him faithful who had made the promise.
Hebrews 11:11

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

If you want me to
-- Ginny Owens

All for now,
Lisa

P.S. Some great articles:
http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11576008/
http://www.crosswalk.com/11573521/

Mercy

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea;
Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there.

-- William Shakespeare
"The Merchant of Venice"

From Today's "Streams in the Desert"

I cannot know why suddenly the storm
Should rage so fiercely round me in its wrath;
But this I know - God watches all my path,
And I can trust.

I may not draw aside the unseen veil
That hides the unknown future from my sight,
Nor know if for me waits the dark or light;
But I can trust.

I have no power to look across the tide,
To see while here the land beyond the river;
But this I know - I will be God's forever;
So I can trust.

All for now,
Lisa

A Whole New Vernacular

On a whim, I left Houston in the wee small hours of the morning on Saturday morning to drive to Austin for the grand opening of Mellow Johnny's - Lance Armstrong's new bike store. I'm not THAT big of a Lance fan - I think I did it more for inspiration as I start to train for his rather difficult bike ride come October. I made it there in plenty of time for their 7:00 AM opening. I really thought there were be lines of people just waiting to get in. There were maybe 6-8 people waiting patiently. Wow, Austin really is a laid-back town. So, I drove around Austin a little - got some great photos of some famous neon signs.

After the opened the doors, we all scattered around the store like children looking for eggs on Easter morn! It's a rather small store. I have to admit it is quite cool. I lolligagged my way around the entire store at least 4 or 5 times just looking at all the good stuff. While there, I learned quite a lot of new meanings: fixie (a fixed gear bicycle), Mellow Johnny (taken from the french words for yellow jersey - malliot jaune), and juan pelota (a term the spanish called Lance - I'll let you figure that one out).

But man o man, the lack of sleep and long drive caught up with me pretty furiously. I got to the point where I could barely keep my eyes open! But I wanted to hang around until at least 12:00 because Mike Ward would be there for a book signing - and I thought Lance might make an appearance.I went back to my car around 11:00, rolled down the windows, laid back the seat, and promptly fell asleep for 30-45 minutes. I woke up just in time to head back in, run to the restroom and see Mike Ward sign books, play his guitar, and speak about biking and music. Alas, no Lance.

So, I decided to cut my losses, head over to Wahoo's for a quick fish bowl, dash over to REI to check out their sale, then head on back home.

All in all, it was a very spontaneous trip. Just the thing for a lazy Saturday. And I think the trip did the trick - I'm even more enthused about the upcoming LiveStrong ride.

Photos link at left.

All for now,
Lisa

5/9/08 = 11:11 + 14 years

Well, that's about as logical as Chris Rice's song, "Smell the Color 9", huh? Well, let me see if I can explain.

It all started back in 1961, when Brenda Ann was born to George and Georgia. She was a beautiful baby and the parents were ecstatic to have been given such a wonderful gift from God. Almost three years later, another was born - a little sister to Brenda. George and Georgia were equally ecstatic and felt they truly had a full house!

As most do, that little sister idolized her big sister and tried to do everything she did. Growing up, Brenda was more of the "perfect child", but also more of the dare-devil! (The little sister was a little more laid back, more of an adventurer than a dare-devil.) Brenda won beauty pageants, law-school mock-trials, and the hearts of many.

All along, those two sisters were extremely close. It was just like that song that is sung in "White Christmas"!!

As Brenda grew older, some problems arose in her life. Many people tried to help her, but some of her problems seemed to overwhelm her. On a tragic day, May 9, 1994, my sister, Brenda Ann Karabatsos, left this planet.

As I sit here fourteen years later, some days it feels like it was yesterday and some days it feels like it was an eternity-ago. The funny thing is, somedays, I can still hear her voice echo in my ear. I will always miss you, Brenda.

I wrote a poem and read it at her funeral. I thought I would share it here:

eleven-eleven

There are not enough words to pen my love for that girl wonder,
That's ok, we had a code for it, and that was a number.

You see, it started long ago when were were just kids
and I got a new digital clock,
Over and over again, we'd see the same time on that tick-tock.
Because it was my birthdate, she gave it a special meaning,
When she would tell me that time, she'd always be beaming.

It continued through the years and when she was away at school,
Even though money was tight, she was no fool.
It was one ring and a quick hang-up at that special time,
That said, "I love you, Lisa", yet still saved her dime.

Through the years, simple coincidences would always be shared,
Because it showed just how much we truly cared.

So, if you think of old Bren, just look up to heaven,
"I love you" is said with "eleven-eleven".

All for now,
Lisa